it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
