I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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