When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
