Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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