It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
