Kiss
Puke
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Enjoy the penises
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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