I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
