All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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