too bad you live with your parents still
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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