I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
