She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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