We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Couch. On fire.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
