She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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