who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
