im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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