My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
