you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
