And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My vagina is very pro this idea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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