Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
