Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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