I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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