you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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