You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
