We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
