Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
