but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
