Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
