So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
