soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
