so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
