Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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