omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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