Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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