I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
