why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
3pm strippers are depressing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
