The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
