i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
