ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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