I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
