i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
