I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
