just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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