She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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