Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
