She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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