THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
