yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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