my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
