I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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