Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
