look no pants
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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