I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
