hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
