After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
