She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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