I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
