It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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